Dick’s Sweetest Sixteen Requirements

A few years ago at my job as a GIS intern I came up with a list of sixteen requirements that I me (and every guy) is looking for in a girl. Since then people who have read this and then met someone they had good chemistry has said that my list sets the bar and every girl should read this list. The list started with 32 requirements, which included ridiculous things such as being a good pole dancer, but has since evolved into these sixteen requirements.

Women who read this and are disgusted usually don’t meet many of these requirements and wonder why they can’t find the guy of their dreams. Men who read this and think it’s ridiculous haven’t found someone who meets these. Let’s be clear. You don’t have to meet all sixteen, but at least come as close as possible. As you go farther down the list the requirements get less important.

1. must be gorgeous, HOT (notice the capital letters), hot, pretty, cute, attractive or whatever synonym is used for being easy on the eyes
2. must be altruistic and romantic
3. must NOT have a fetish for guys like me (Asian guys)
4. must be independent
5. must NOT be clingy, jealous and NOT call me multiple times a day and leave multiple messages
6. must like sex and sex in different places and cuddling afterwards
7. must have standardized scores in the 90th or above percentile (SAT, GMAT, LSAT, IQ)
8. must wear modest heels but they can’t be over 3 inches (I don’t need a trashy porn star)
9. must wear pink, purple or green in spring/summer and earth tones in fall
10. must have job that either makes a lot of $$$ or helps those less fortunate.
10. must like dogs
11. must be good at giving massages and getting them
12. must not smell when sweaty
13. must NOT wear too much makeup or perfumes
14. must like drunk sloppy making out like in high school
15. must like leaning over and bending one leg up and pecking me on the lips in public
16. must like making brunch with me with a bra, panties and my dress shirt on Sunday


10 responses to “Dick’s Sweetest Sixteen Requirements

  1. M M

    Number 10 is listed twice- that means there are 17 Requirements.

    • Okay do you even meet any of these requirements or are you another disgruntled girl who likes Dick and wonders why he doesn’t like you? Thanks for pointing this out. You must be AZN because you can count. Too bad being AZN and good at math ain’t one of the requirements!

  2. M M

    Maybe you didn’t notice my initials— I’m Madie Meyerowitz, silly! Sooo, according to you- I meet (most) of the requirements. According to me, I meet all of them, except #7, so technically I meet 16. 😀

  3. Great! Someone is a body double for Madie Meyerowitz. Madie should be proud that she meets most of the sweetest sixteen because there are many disgruntled women who don’t meet any. What does she want from Dick a doggie biscuit?

    If this is really Madie can she answer these questions the last time she met Dick. Please provide only enough information to suffice for an answer.

    1. What color were you wearing the last time you saw Dick? You can mentioned one or more colors of the articles of clothing and please use words that describe colors such as lime green or maize.

    2. You mentioned a place you would rather work. What is last letter of the name of the place?

    3. What did you make for dinner that night?

  4. M M

    1. I was in accordance with #9.
    2. This one is tough, location: a, company: l.
    3. Something divine.

  5. 1. Incorrect. The answer was white, and an azure blue top. Anyone will wants Dick to like them will say pink, purple or green in spring/summer.
    2. Partial credit. The company name may be correct it ends in an L.
    3. Incorrect. The answer chicken alfredo pasta and pancakes for dessert.

    You are not Madie Meyerowitz.

  6. MM

    Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Regardless- why do you deserve Madie and what if she had her own 17 requirements?

  7. MM

    Oh- I don’t have time to play games! It’s me. I was actually wearing a blue skirt, and a very dirty white sweater, of which a little dog kept running across .Philadelphia and Cornell. And it was chicken and zucchini alfredo, and yes pancakes, but I was upset I didn’t have syrup. Hooray! I win!!!

  8. Okay, Dick doesn’t deserve Madie Meyerowitz. I don’t know why we are even having this argument, being that Madie is banging her boyfriend and will be moving in soon with him. Dick has a new season of fun filled drama.
    What if Madie had her own sweetest sixteen requirements? Dick knows what woman want.


  9. Victoria

    you are too much

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