The Twenty-Six Point Plan to Find a Job

In no particular order.
Plan A: start an online job account at my coworkers’ workplace and his coworkers will hire meFAIL
Plan B: ask a congressional candidate who formerly worked in green energy whom I volunteered for two months to help me network (idea submitted by myself) FAIL
Plan D: apply for FEMA jobs to help with Hurricane Sandy FAIL
Plan E: New York Police Department FAIL
Plan F: take sanitarian civil service exam FAIL (19 JAN 2013)
Plan G: await Fire Department test results FAIL (scored a 94, too low to be considered)
Plan I: apply to TS Associates the company that bought out my last company FAIL

Plan J: apply to New York City recycling/ green jobs FAIL

Plan K: play on a volleyball team with corporate professionals FAIL I ended up on a team with all public school school teachers. FAIL
Plan C: walk dogs for high end clientele on Manhattan’s Upper East Side FAIL
Plan H: contact the mayor’s office of veterans affairs FAIL

Plan L: apply to be on a community board FAIL

Plan M: redo Plan A FAIL (in three hours, the record fastest time fail)
Plan N: connect with a LEED certified architect, eco-consultant FAIL he just ignored two phone calls, two emails
Plan O: go to Hunter College Job Fair, resume workshop FAIL
Plan P: apply to Exaac, a former contracting company so I can bang the girl I was supposed to FAIL
Plan Q: ask headhunter who recruits for tech jobs similiar to what I did FAIL
Plan R: go to veterans job fair FAIL
Plan S: apply for civil service exam for food inspector FAIL
Plan T: apply for FEMA disaster relief jobs FAIL
U,V,W to be decided
In case the above 23 plans should fail.
Plan X: resign my 09S (commissioned officer candidate) contract and go enlisted in any MOS that will take me (idea submitted by my drill sergeant)
Pros: I have full time employment and the time is either going to be 3,4,5 or 6 years (which is less than the current 8 year contract I have)
Cons: I end up with a MOS that I do not like.
Plan Y: volunteer to go on deployment in the Global War on Terror
Pros: I will automatically received five points veterans preference and a career conditional federal job for the rest of my life. (assuming I do not lose my life) If I have a service connected disability (loss of limb, eyesight) I will receive ten points.

Cons: If I lose my life my mother gets $400K, plus derived preference meaning she is guaranteed a federal job for the rest of her life.

Plan Z: go to the French Foreign Legion (idea submitted by a Navy recruiter and former coworker)
Pros: I get out of my American military contract. I will be employed for five years, speak French fluently and they will create identity for me. I want to come back as a doctor.
Cons: My family will never see me again. I will have a new identity, French name and passport and any attempts to locate me will be unsuccessful. I will be paid about 1043 euros a month ($1394 US dollars a month)

1 Comment

Filed under Dick Don't Need No Education, Gainfully Unemployed

One response to “The Twenty-Six Point Plan to Find a Job

  1. Grover Mannings

    This is a good list. Next, please exhaust all plans numbered as integers > 0.

    Also I see no “internships” listed. At this point you don’t have much to lose taking one that is unpaid IF and only IF they would consider you for employment after satisfactory completion.

    You might also consider working for a defense contractor or government agency that needs people conversational in Cantonese and Mandarin. I’ve said this several times before, but it is a unique skill set you have that is desperately needed at many firms.

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