As many of you know tonight is the largest lottery jackpot in history. My mother speaks about the five cornerstones of life, having a wife, children, house, car and a great job.(none of which I have) So I am going to try and change that by buying a lottery ticket. They say money can’t buy a lot of things such as love and happiness. I disagree. If I won the lottery here is how I would buy the following:
House: I would my mother a house (preferably one in an affluent white neighborhood because she thinks white people = low crime)
Wife/Girlfriend: pay a random girl to tell my mother she is my wife/girlfriend. She would be black just for the pure purpose of pissing my mother off.
Child: knock up this random girl to give my mother a grandchild (preferably a black woman so all her friends would be disgusted at a blasian child)
Job: stage my own funeral and get myself a new identity so my mother would leave me alone. Then go to work for the city of New York for $1. (and piss off every municipal employee) Because every single day I would do work, just for the sole purpose of doing something most city employees are seen as not doing. And then I would just come up with snarky remarks to all the ghetto and sass attitude they have.