What if Dick Won the Mega-Millions Jackpot?

As many of you know tonight is the largest lottery jackpot in history. My mother speaks about the five cornerstones of life, having a wife, children, house, car and a great job.(none of which I have) So I am going to try and change that by buying a lottery ticket. They say money can’t buy a lot of things such as love and happiness. I disagree. If I won the lottery here is how I would buy the following:

House: I would my mother a house (preferably one in an affluent white neighborhood because she thinks white people = low crime)

Wife/Girlfriend: pay a random girl to tell my mother she is my wife/girlfriend. She would be black just for the pure purpose of pissing my mother off.

Child: knock up this random girl to give my mother a grandchild (preferably a black woman so all her friends would be disgusted at a blasian child)

Job: stage my own funeral and get myself a new identity so my mother would leave me alone. Then go to work for the city of New York for $1. (and piss off every municipal employee) Because every single day I would do work, just for the sole purpose of doing something most city employees are seen as not doing. And then I would just come up with snarky remarks to all the ghetto and sass attitude they have.

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1 Comment

Filed under Dick Don't Need No Education, Gainfully Unemployed, Life in the Ghetto, The Women of Dick

One response to “What if Dick Won the Mega-Millions Jackpot?

  1. Grover Mannings

    With the odds of winning the Mega-Millions jackpot roughly 1 in 176,000,000 you actually have a better chance of being elected President than winning.

    Speaking from my business experience, blackjack, baccarat, or craps have much friendlier odds than the lottery. That said, the house still enjoys a mathematical advantage over players.

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