The Most Productive Time for Dick

Probably the most productive thing I do with my time is offering to help other people. Most of the time I offer (espeically when it is to women) I usually get profound “fake interest” They seem interested and yet never call back. I’d like to be honest though. When I offer you help I am not trying to sleep with you. If I was not offering help I would probably be doing other unproductive crap such as the following: surfing the net reading the news or shopping, applying for jobs which I will never get because I am not qualified, underqualified, overqualified or too many applicants or the posting is cancelled) or blogging. Here are some of examples of help I have offered people.

* offered to tutor a girl in her twenties in my building. She actually thinks it is okay that she is getting a F in introductory accounting at a community college. Her justification is if her classmates are doing the same then she is average and it must be okay. I’ve got news for you chica. At a four year college it will not be okay because there is always these group of “fobby” Asian people who don’t speak a word of English and somehow manage to do better than everyone else. For the Certified Public Accountancy you need to get at least 75% correct to just pass. If your goal is to be average and like everyone else you must be living under a rock or something because the truth is there are a lot of smart, motivated and brilliant people out there.

* edit the resumes of several of my colleagues. Some are girls I know who live with their boyfriends and don’t work. Nothing disappoints me more than watching my mother in an awful marriage for twenty-five years because she was not independent, didn’t make her own income and solely had to rely on the support of her husband. The others were at my previous job said they hated their job, asked me for help editing their resumes or giving them leads on other work. Everyone I know says they hate their job, but what frustrates me is that few do anything to change it. “There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.” Read this guy’s blog that was featured on wordpress. If you’re not going to do anything about it quit complaining

I agree I complain a lot. But I do put in a more concerted effort than most to change the situation.

* an Army war veteran from Afghanistan who was begging on the street. He said he needs winter boots size 10 1/2. Not only do I have a soft spot for war veterans I am a military officer reject myself.  But  in the Nov. 21 issue of TIME Magazine about the widening gap between the civilian and military population due to the small number of military personnel compared to the civilian population and the fact that we’ve been at war for over ten years and no one in America really cares because we have our own problems. I gave him my phone number and should he contact me I will be bugging everyone I know who wears 10 1/2 for a pair of boots.

Some people who I have helped have asked me what I they can do for me in return. After all you don’t get something for nothing. Or that saying there is no such thing as a free lunch. I would like a military age waiver, a ridiculously gorgeous, altruistic and intelligent girlfriend or a job lead. But I know most of those probably will never happen. So I simply ask that you pay it forward. Help someone out in the future. I wish there was someone who helped me realize when I was younger some of the mistakes I made before I made them. Heck I’d be farther along in life.



Filed under Dick Don't Need No Education, Gainfully Unemployed, The Women of Dick

3 responses to “The Most Productive Time for Dick

  1. Grover Mannings

    Dick, the fact that you help others is a great quality. Question: do you include this information on your resume?

    I only ask because this would be a concrete way of indicating to potential employers that you’ll “go the extra mile” without smothering them with stories about working at soup kitchens or group homes for those with mental handicaps. You don’t have to put it in 48 point type and bold emphasis. Just sneak it in at the bottom of the page as your closer: “While studying for accounting about XYZ college, I tutored a number of underclassmen for free.”

    WOW. That’s something most corporate employers would love to see: someone with selfless resolve to help others and do it for nothing.

    To be cynical, an employer would love that quality because they’ll be able to get more out of you while not paying you more (a tactic all businesses employ to get the most for their dollar). On the other hand, an abused employee is still someone that has a job, and that’s better than not having one at all!

    With respect to the blogger’s article about startups, life is all about trade offs.

    First of all, he’s exaggerating his schedule a bit when he freely admits coworkers return to the office drunk and play video games. That’s not work time, that’s play time. Subtract that from whatever number of hours they claim to work per week. Also deduct trips to Starbucks for coffee, corporate wellness field days, office parties, and product demos from vendors. That’s all fluff time.

    More to the point, however, if you want to make it big, you’re going to have to make sacrifices. Want to be rich at 50? Better bust your ass through your 20s and 30s. Want to be the next Mark Zuckerberg? Better get in to Harvard, then drop out, then start one of the most revolutionary businesses in the world. Want to spend Saturdays on your yacht sipping Mimosas? Buckle down NOW and get your sh*t together. It’s going to be a long haul before you see daylight, if you ever see daylight.


    Grover Mannings

    • Let us not forget starting fights on subway trains with black people and analysis that would of saved the federal government millions of dollars. I would of mentioned it also but one of my friends who read that cover letter was in disbelief. I really can back it up I have documents from the district attorney’s office and witnesses who saw me do it themselves.

      • Grover Mannings

        Then include the documents with your resume as appendices. If you want to stand out from the rest of the crowd, show the company that you are truly different in black and white.

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