The A-Team

Tonight one of my former coworkers had his 29th birthday party, actually his birthday was Monday. But he celebrated it tonight at a bar called the BUtterfield 8 in midtown. This bar in midtown has your typical white person crowd. It always intrigues me how these Caucasian girls date all these tall, dark, handsome and athletic Caucasian guys but end up marrying someone mediocre who sometimes is shorter, paler, not as handsome or athletic but is simply just Caucasian.

There were these two girls at the bar, one brunette and one bleach blond with a backless blue dress. Of course every guy stares (cue in Felton Donning) and just points at but no one goes to chat. All the while all my guy friends are arguing about who should chat with them. As a wanna-be military officer I feel sometimes the obligation to lead. When you have the hottest girl at the bar the whole point is to send the A-Team. Obama didn’t send any Navy SEALs to get bin Laden he sent SEAL Team Six. So when you have the two hottest girls at the bar you send your best (i.e. not Dick) In my mind our Calvin Klein underwear model, Colton and our card trick pickup artist Renaldo should of teamed up and talked to these girls. Instead Renaldo ends up talking to an Asian girl and ends up leaving with her. And Colton, just didn’t talk to her.

Our friend, Gaylord of course attempts to talk to them. but they just end up leaving and I just took her seat but she said nothing to me. I know that I’ll be thinking of the bleach-blond girl in the backless blue dress tomorrow and how I never talked to her.



Filed under The Women of Dick

3 responses to “The A-Team

  1. Grover Mannings

    Dick, it’s time to be “An Army of One” and step up in these situations. If you want to talk to the girls, you should go talk to them.

    What’s troubling is that you are willing to defer to the “better looking” and “pick up artist” guys. Sure, when a group of guys get together, there is constant unspoken self selection and ranking that goes on to determine who’s on the field and who’s riding the pine. That said, why are you less deserving to meet a nice girl than they are? While they are busy arguing and playing games, put Dick’s dick on the line and step up to the plate.

    You have nothing to lose. In fact, even if the girls pretend you don’t exist and refuse your overtures, you still win because you had the sack to approach them in the first place. If you always defer to the “A-Team” guys in social situations, you’ll never meet women, because you take yourself out of consideration before the process has a chance to happen naturally on its own.

    Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Everyone is facing tough times these days. Walk up and strike up a conversation. DON’T use a pickup line, they don’t work unless they are highly original and entertaining for all parties involved.

    Start a conversation with them about something innocuous like their clothing or jewelry. Make a joke about a commercial playing on TV. Ask them if they are into the sports (football/baseball/basketball) game the bar is showing. The first words out of your mouth don’t have to be “I Love You, Let’s Get Married”. Instead, pretend to be interested yet indifferent to them. “I like those earrings, they really make you look pretty”. Then take it from there. Talk about New York City, where they live, your adventures in life, or a funny story about one of your pals at a bar. Whatever.

    Whether or not you go home with one of them is unimportant. If you act like it’s a make or break situation, it’ll probably break because you’ll be nervous and not yourself. Just act like it’s any other day of the week and feel confident about yourself. I’m no expert at this either, but some of us need more practice than others. Eventually, you will get what you want out of these types of social situations.

  2. Dick,

    You need to get laid.


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